Other Stuff #3, Three Little Things with Large Impact

(This piece fits in both places, so I am posting it both here, and at the View Through My Keyhole.)

THREE LITTLE THINGS WITH LARGE IMPACT


That wisest of men, Solomon, often spoke of the power and importance of little things. He encouraged the lazy man to consider the ant (Prov. 6:6). He admired the little conies (Prov. 20:26) for their tenacity. He warned about the moment that could ruin a life (Prov. 7:22).


A recent biking accident has left me with a lot of time to think. I’ve spent a good bit of that time thinking about three little things. One involved a tiny amount of time, another a rather insignificant amount of space, and a third that in comparison to so much more that was going on just doesn’t seem so big, but it was, and is:


#1: If I had only looked over my shoulder before making that left hand turn into the path of a pickup truck that was passing me, none of this would have happened. A split second of neglect has affected me for the rest of my life.


#2: If the pickup truck had been six inches the right, I would be dead.


#3: We’ll wait on that one for a while.


Too many of us assume that life is made up of a sequence of big events: birth, graduation, marriage, having children of one’s own, death. To be sure these, and other events like them, are seismic happenings that leave the landscape of our lives changed, but the bulk of our life is not lived there. If we picture our life as a container filled with various sized rocks, from quite large down to grains of sand, we would find that the most volume is taken up with sand and pebbles--little stuff. I’m not saying we ought to ignore the boulders, but I fear too many of us live life in an attempt to jump from one big rock to the next. In the process of only living our life looking back to the last great happening, or ahead to the next big event, we fail to appreciate the cumulative power and weight of the little things in our lives. Furthermore, as my experience demonstrates, one never knows which little thing will swell up to instantly life-altering dimensions.


On the lovely fall day when I smashed my hip and collarbone on the side of a pickup truck, my heart, with the rest of my country was heavy. A few days before terrorists had attacked New York, and Washington DC, killing thousands of men, women, and children. Others had died in Pennsylvania, apparently able, at the last moment, to prevent the hijackers from crashing this plane into yet another public building, but unable to save their own lives.


When a little girl at my church heard about my wreck, her response was, “Didn’t he look?” No, I didn’t. I’ve been biking for years. I always look. Such a little thing, yet on this occasion, as the sound of the approaching truck was masked by the noise of a departing car, that failure to look was a near-deadly, certainly costly oversight.


In the time since the accident, I’ve thought numerous times of the perversity of me being laid up by such a small matter, when all around me events that will fill the pages of history were transpiring. I even felt guilty that my little-thing-inspired calamity would sidetrack others from praying about, and showing concern over the big one that was going on all around us. I’m coming more and more to realize as I contemplate the whole matter, that I just have to leave that with the Lord. He was not busy in conference with President Bush, when I was distracted just at the moment I needed to be paying attention. He was not wringing His hands over the whereabouts of terrorist leaders, when flesh met steel on that country road. He was there. He is here. I think “little” and “big” are concoctions of my mind, not His. He keeps a running total of the sparrow population. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He can tell you how many times I get up and lie down (For a while now, that number has been zero.). He is intimately acquainted with all my ways, not just the “big” ones.


Perhaps there is another way of putting it. It humbles me to even type the words. Anything that has to do with one of His children is a big thing.


One of the first questions most of us learn to ask is, “Why?”


So why did this happen? I mean, I was out there trying to get some exercise. Numerous health-care workers have commented on my “good veins,” no doubt the result of years of aerobic activity. But look where it has gotten me now. Lots of folk with cholesterol laden blood, and waistlines that done-lapped a long time ago are up and about and doing their thing, while I huffed and pumped and dieted, and now am stuck in a space about the size of a baby’s playpen. Why?


I pastor a great church. We had just entered what I think is the greatest time of potential growth in our history. Plans were in motion. Things were beginning to happen. It’s fun to get up and go to church at Covington Bible. I didn’t even want to go on vacation, though I was planning to visit some missionaries in a couple of months. Day after tomorrow will be the third Sunday I haven’t even been able to be at church. I figure there will be at least that many more before I get to roll or hobble in. My participation in the mission trip is cancelled. The disappointment compounds—the ticket is nontransferable and for me to use it later will cost a considerable amount of money. Why?


I could go on about the incredible inconvenience it is for my wife to have an invalid husband, about how all the kindness being directed toward me could be funneled in much more profitable directions, if only I hadn’t . . .


I find many reasons to ask, “Why?”


So, Why did this happen?


It happened because, in the words of the little girl, I didn’t look. I’m not being flip when I say that. God has so constructed His universe that the choices we make, the actions we take or neglect to take, the words we say, or withhold, have real consequences. Yet, in the light of Romans 8:28, from another perspective, I have to say that this bed represents God’s will for me. I can be sure that God watches over and cares about the little things. Often those little things bear such incredible consequences. Could God have prevented this accident? Not only do I answer, “Yes,” but I am inclined to believe that on other occasions God has sovreignly, providentially, guided me away from disaster. Not only was God in control in relation to my failure to look at its critical timing, He likewise gave the six inches that saved my life.


God has so made His universe that my actions and yours are truly significant—they matter—yet He is not wringing hands in worry over how it will all come out. If there is one little thing in this world over which God’s sovereignty does not extend, then He is not truly Lord. To follow the logic of the old poem, if God is not sovereign over the horseshoe nail, then He cannot be in control of the battle, the nation, or the world.


I figure on that Saturday afternoon I was about six inches from dying. I was making a left hand turn off of the blacktop onto a dirt road. I slowed to allow the car that was behind me pass, then I quickly stuck out my arm for a signal and started to turn. The little pickup’s noise, must have been covered up by the sound of the car that had just passed. When I signaled a turn he was probably already in the left lane passing me. He almost succeeded in his attempt to miss me. If he had gotten the truck six inches further left, I would have been badly scared, upset at myself for not looking, not much more. If he had failed to get as far to the left as he did, by just six inches, I’d almost certainly be dead.


I love the Lord, and I’m looking forward to heaven, but I’m glad to say that I’m still here. Call me carnal if you wish, but I have a wife to love, work to do, sons to watch continue in their growth, grandkids to love and spoil. I’m very glad for that six inches that spared my life. I enjoy my food. I’m incredibly impressed at the kindness of my wife and others. I guess you could say I’ve gained a new appreciation for little things.


Really, though, that day is no different than any other. God is not like the airbag in the steering wheel of an automobile—the only time it comes out is in time of real danger. Rather it is just that God’s care for me was clearly evident that day. Paul told the Athenians that “in [God] we live, and move, and exist.” (Acts 17:28) Jesus taught that our life is not maintained by the food we consume, but by the word of God. (Matt. 4:4) David pointed out that his times are in the Lord’s hand. (Psalm 31:15) Amid the twin-tower like destruction of ancient Jerusalem, Jeremiah saw that it was God’s mercy, God’s mercy renewed each day, that kept us all from being consumed.. (Lamentations 3:22-23) Indeed, Paul points out that not just we, but all the creation is held together by the power of God. (Colossians 1:17) Not only in the sense of my creation, but moment by moment, I am because God in His providence makes it so. It was not only that day that he gave space to live. He does so everyday.


In a morphine fog I was talking to my physician. He had in his hand the paper that would give him permission to operate on my bashed-up hip. There were all kinds of really discouraging “could happen”s on that sheet: You could develop a rupture at the site of the incision. It might not work, we might have to do a total hip replacement, etc., etc. I thought about a man I know who recently came to this point concerning a surgical procedure, and just said, “No.” I understood perfectly.


More than anything else on my Doctor’s list of horrors, a statement about a little nerve grabbed my attention. Sometimes the nerve that allows one to pick up his foot (pull your toes up) is damaged, and one has a “drop foot.” I was told if that happened I’d have to wear a brace. Somehow that one really got to me. Visions of special shoes and walking sticks and me walking “funny,” filled my mind. “I’m not sure I can bear that.” I thought. But it was clear, even in my less than alert state, that this was what I ought to do, so I signed.


“Mr. Merrell, I’m going to give you the drug to put you to sleep now. The next thing you know you’ll be in the post-op.” I nodded and for all practical purposes died.


I blinked my eyelids closed and opened them to an intensity of awareness that I had never known. It was as if a pure white strobe light was firing at a million times a second. One flash was the ceiling of the post-op, the next some image from my memory, then to a dream scene, back to post-op, more rapidly than I can possible explain. “Where am I?” “Am I dead?” “Is this heaven?”


“Pastor Merrell,”


I looked at the foot of my bed and saw Laura. She’s a nurse, a friend of my son. I don’t know what else she said, but her presence pulled me back to reality. My focus lowered to my left foot. My brain sent the signal and I watched the toe wag up and down.


Thank God for little things.

Tales From the Hogback #11, How Lightnin' Jones Went Down and Up at the Same Time:

How Lightnin' Jones Went Down and Up at the Same Time

"Slink" is hardly a word you expect to hear used next to the name of a man who weighs over 300 pounds.  But any honest observer would conclude that Lightnin' Jones was slinking around--lugging bags of sugar in a furtive way, stoking the fire with as little noise as possible, looking skyward in the vain hope that by sheer force of his will he could prevent the plumes of smoke, that rose from the fire, from alerting anyone--no not any one, One particular someOne--from knowing that Elijah (Lightnin') Jones was again in the whiskey business.

Lightnin's reputation as a moonshiner was as large as his considerable girth.  It had been the talk of the ridge a few month's earlier when word got around that Lightnin' "had got religion, and wadn't gonna make no more whiskey."  The problem was he wasn't making much money either.  Winter was coming on.  The Jones family had plenty of corn and sugar--laid in before Lightnin' gave up the moonshine business.  Mrs. Jones had been trading sugar for eggs, milk & coffee.  Lightnin' had made a deal to have some of the corn ground and the rest he was feeding to some hogs.  He'd been hiring himself and his wagon out to haul stuff for folks.  He had plenty of fire wood and next spring he had plans to plant a big garden and get a cow. They'd make it, but right now all the children needed shoes & the elder Joneses had no way to get any.

Strange, back when Lightnin' was making whiskey full-time he had plenty of money but didn't really care if the kids did go barefoot.  "If they's cold they kin just run faster." he would have said.  But a compassion for the needs of others and love for his family had been growing in a surprisingly tender heart, considering the very rough exterior in which it lived.  A few nights before a fly on the wall would have observed Lightnin's hulk next to a tiny woman, his great, ham-like hands folded in prayer.  

"Lord, purty soon it's a gonna be cold up on this ridge.  My three boys 'n' little Lucy ain't got no shoes, 'n' Lord, fer the life a' me, I cain't figure no way to get em none.  Lord we's grateful fer the corn & such, 'n' we thank ya Lord we been doin' tolerable good, but we sure could use some shoes, not fer me 'n' the missus but fer these little uns.  We don't even need 'em new, Lord, long as they's nice, 'n' it'd be awful nice if Lucy Jane  had some a them fancy buttons on hers.   Amen."

After you hear the rest of this you might think one of those fellows from the Rowdy Gang was a fly on the wall, listening to Lightnin's prayer.  I rather think someone else who knows those Rowdys very well, passed the word along.  I can't say for sure, but I do know that the very next morning two of the Rowdys came calling at the Jones house.

"We's havin' a big dance down to the town square in Mount Elmo and we need to get us some refreshment, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."  Lightnin' scowled.  "I ain't in the whiskey business no more."  As he spoke he turned to close the door.

"We'd pay top dollar, cash on the barrel head.  Ten bucks extra if'n you deliver."

Many a time Lightnin' Jones had torn that door off its leather strap hinges in a fit of rage, but the mention of ten dollars cash at the very time that Lightnin' spotted one of the hounds chewing on an old worn-out shoe made the door too heavy to move.  Ten dollars was more than he had made in a month.  He already had everything he needed to make a batch of whiskey.  No body had asked him to haul anything for more than a week. . . .

"Them Rowdys 'll jest git it somewheres else if'n I don't make it 'n' I jist cain't stand the thought a my little uns going to school barefoot n'more."

The door reversing its direction was all the answer Johnny Rowdy needed. 

"Twenty five quarts oughta do it.  If'n theres any left we kin always sell it after the dance, or take some home in case somebody wakes up with a headache." he chuckled.

"Usual price?"  Lightnin' muttered.

"Yep."

As the last drop of distilled corn mash dropped into the last mason jar, the last remnant of hope evaporated from the huge moonshiner; there was no more miserable creature than Lightnin' Jones on the face of God's earth.  His misery was only slightly lifted when he took the axe he'd been using to split wood for the fire, and so mangled the still that it could never be used again.

"No matter how much they offer me that'll be the last whiskey Elijah Jones ever makes."  He huffed as he leaned the axe against a tree.

Lightnin's mood,  slightly elevated by the destruction of the mechanism that had produced so much whiskey and misery,  sank lower and lower as each jar of whiskey was nestled into its bed of straw in his wagon.  By the time he started toward Mount Elmo, the shadows creeping across the road matched the growing darkness in his spirit. 

"I feel lower'n a snake's belly in a wagon rut."  He said staring at the rutted track before him.  "Lord, if'n you get me outa this here mess, I promise I won't never get into no meanness agin!" 

The wagon's lurching progress and the great load that pressed down on Elijah Jones' spirit brought his massive head lower and lower,  bowed down so he could no longer see the rough track that passed for a road.  Not since the time when he was six had tears forced their way from his now moist eyes.  His daddy had whipped him until the sobs had forced their way past his guard, then continued the beating until the tears and wails were repressed once more.  He'd endured broken legs, the death of his favorite dog, burns that raised great raw blisters, all before he left home at twelve, and never again did his self-resolve fail.  By the time he entered his teen years it never occurred to him to cry.  But now the dark, wet stain between his muddy boots told the tale.  At first Elijah didn't recognize the shaking in his breast, the contractions of his facial muscles and the moisture on his cheeks.  When the memory from long ago told him he was crying, he made no effort to stop.  Like a backslider of another day, he "wept bitterly."

Maybe it was a particularly severe bounce that caused Lightnin' to look up, maybe it  was the hope that if the Lord had forgiven Peter on that night he denied the Lord--hadn't Parson Smedley said so?--maybe he'd forgive a reprobate, back-slidding moonshiner.

" Jeb!  Did you see some'n up aire?" Lightnin' asked, after blowing his nose on his big, red bandana.  The mule didn't reply--which isn't strange, because mules often keep things to themselves--and if there was someone up there they were out of sight, going down the steep part of the road that led to Crawslie's Ford.  About then the wind shifted and Lightnin' thought he heard somebody. 

"Jeb, somebody's singin'." 

"My Lord walked that lonesome valley.

He had to walk it all by hisself . . ."

Lightnin' strained to hear as if by some effort he could cause the music to overcome the sound of the wind in the dry leaves of an oak.  The wind died just long enough for him to hear:

"I've got to walk that valley by myself."

"Whoa, Jeb.  You 'n Stuart jest take it easy fer a spell."

There on the top of Hogback Ridge, under the golden orb that had just cleared the horizon, a mountain of a man lifted a mountain of guilt to the Lord, and took his place next to the rough Galilean fisherman.

"Lord it ain't right fer me to ask you to let me git by with this sorry business that I got myself into, 'n' then make it alright later.  Lord I ain't gonna have nothin' more to do with it  from here on out.  I reckon my younguns 'll hafta git shoes some other way 'n them Rowdy's 'll be a good sight better off without this here shine.  I don't reckon you won't  care if'n I give it to my hogs.  They's penned up 'n' won't do no meanness like them Rowdys."

He was back in the wagon seat and had already clicked to the mules when he added, "Ah, shoot.  Amen, Lord.  I know you know, but I ain't much good yet at this prayin' business, Lord, but I'm 'onna git better.  I promise ya."

Whether it was cat, coon, or fox, Lightnin' never could tell, but before he could turn the wagon around there was a steak of brown that ran right under the mules.  That might have been OK, but hard on the brown streak's tail was Rufus Hawkin's dogs, all twelve of them.  Even yet peace might have prevailed had not Rufus cut loose with his old 10 guage, behind a tree right next to Jeb's ear, both barrels.  Jeb laid his ears back flat on his neck, and the fire in Stuart's eyes outshone the new moon.  Lightnin' nearly rolled off the back of the seat as the mules went from dead stop to full run in about one heartbeat.  It was soon clear that pulling on the reins and yelling "WHOA!" made no difference.  Lightnin' quickly dismissed the temptation to cuss the animals thinking that perhaps the language the mules had lived with most of their years would get better results.  "I ain't 'bout to run up no more credit with the Lord this evenin'."

Lightnin' knew that if the mules started down the grade at this clip the likelihood of him making it to the bottom with a loaded wagon was mighty slim.  He only knew of one hope.  "If the brakes'll hold maybe I kin slow these muleheaded mules down enough to get some sense into their heads afore they kill themselves 'n me too."

He put his big right foot on the brake lever and shoved for all he was worth, and when you figure it by the pound Lightnin' Jones was worth a whole lot.  The different creaks and groans from the lurching wagon and the smell of the brakes heating up told Lightnin' he was having some affect, but he could see the point where the road dropped away rushing toward him.  "A little harder." he thought , as he twisted his hulk to place more of his weight on the lever.  Unfortunately the lever was saying something like, "Not an ounce more!" 

It was only the sudden increase in speed, that accompanied the snapping of the brake lever, that kept the big man from tumbling forward.  Now all he could do was hold on.

The drop was so steep that for a moment the mules vanished from Lightnin's sight.  When the wagon whip-lashed over the edge and began it's descent the back row of mason jars hurtled out of their straw nest and shattered on the road.  That row gone, the rest of the load was loosened so that when the mules, now running for their lives, hurtled around the hard left turn, jars flew to the right smashing and shattering as they went.  Those that remained rose in a gentle arc and landed squarely on a rock, when the wagon ran over a stump a few hundred feet further down the mountain.

Lightnin' had begun to think that he might actually make it to the bottom when he saw something in the road.  With frightening speed he recognized the black coat and hat as that of Parson Smedley.  The preacher was singing so loudly that he couldn't hear the hoof-beats and clattering that were bearing down on him.

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch . . ."

Sairee, hearing the racket just in time took a leap to the right, Lightnin' pulled hard left.  A hickory limb caught Lightnin' square in the chest.  It would have knocked a lesser man from his seat, but the limb broke with a rifle-like crack, and on he rolled. 

By the time the parson picked himself up from the brush pile where he had made a wretched landing, he didn't know what had happened.  When he picked up his hat he actually looked for a bullet hole.  The only evidence of his near fatal encounter was a strange smell in the air and the clatter of the wagon below.

"Well, Lord, I reckon I'm Presbyterian enough to thank you that that's over."

Hat retrieved, coat dusted, he mounted Sairee and continued song and journey.

" . . . saved a wretch like me."

I fell off my mule, but now I'm back on.

Thank God, You're watchin' over me.”

“Not bad huh Sairee?"

That Sunday the Joneses were in the front row.

Smedley appreciated their eagerness to hear, and he would never say anything, but he really wished Lightnin' would sit somewhere else.  Half the congregation could hide behind him.  But there he was.

"I wonna speak to you today about the God who gives us a second chance.

Look over in your Bible to the book of Jonah. 

Now before I git started let me tell you that the really 'mazin' thing 'bout the book a' Jonah ain't that God made a fish big  enough to swaller Jonah whole, 'n give him room to live there fer a while.  God does things like that three or four time before breakfast jist fer amusement.  The really 'mazin' thing about Jonah is that he takes ole stubborn hard-headed people like Jonah 'n me 'n you 'n gives 'em a second chance . . ."

By the time the Parson and Lightnin' came out of the meeting house--a smile on his face befitting his size--everyone had gone except Jake Smith. 

"It was a good service, wadn't it?" said Jake

"Yeah, it was a real good service."  Lightnin' replied with a conviction in his voice that said, "It was good fer me, 'specially me.  I'm awful glad God'll give me a second chance."

"Say, Elijah, didn't I hear somebody say that you was in the haulin' business now?"

"Yeah, I got a good rig & their ain't no finer pair a mules on the Hogback than Jeb & Stuart."

"You know that flatlander that put that fancy stock up on Locust Ridge?  Folks told him that spring up there'd go dry in the fall, but nothin' ud do him.  Anyhow he came down to the store the other day lookin' fer somebody to haul water up to keep his cattle goin'.  Nobody else'll mess with him cuz he's so contrary, so he'd pay good if somebody'd help him."

"I reckon I could help him out." Lightnin' replied.

He said if I could find somebody, he'd buy a load a feed from me.  I'd be glad to pay you to haul that up there, too.  Only things been pretty tight lately.  I'd have to pay you in stuff from the store."

"You wouldn' happen to have any shoes wouldya?" the big man asked.

"Funny, that's why I'm low on cash.  A feller over in Mount Elmo came up here the other day.  He said he had a bunch a shoes he needed to get rid of.  Said they was gonna have a big dance 'n' he needed to raise some cash to pay the fiddler 'n' such.  I bought 'em all."

"Is that your little girl?  I cain't swear to it, but I think I got a pair a them fancy shoes with the buttons & all that'd jest bout fit her."

He couldn't carry a tune in the back of his wagon.  He couldn't even remember all the words, but I have no doubt that the angels fell silent while former moonshiner, Lightnin' Jones lifted his head heavenward and praised the Lord,

"Amazing Grace, what a wonderful sound, that gave a second chance to a poor wretch like me."

Previous Tale -- Next Tale

Tales from the Hogback #10, Smedley's Christmas Adventure

Smedley's Christmas Eve Adventure

There was a strange, burning ache right between Smedley's shoulder blades.  He knew it well.  In fact, whenever he felt the stabbing pain he thought of his childhood.  He and his brothers would make kites, and during the blustery days of March would go out to fly them.  Often Smedley would return with that ache.  "Growing pains," the old folk called it, but he hadn't grown out of it yet. 

"That was a long time ago." thought the parson.

Surveying his situation he knew it was months until March and miles until home.  The ache in his back and the numbness in his toes & fingers only reminded him of the fix he had gotten himself into.

The family had eaten supper early that Christmas Eve.  Jim Bob was sure he knew where that big buck passed just before dark and he wanted to get there in plenty of time, so he would be still and quiet before he came through.  After the meal, Jim Bob left with his shotgun, and the younger Smedleys settled down to read their new books, while Flora Jean cleaned up the kitchen.  There were a couple of hours before the Christmas Eve Service at the little white meeting house, so Parson Smedley decided to go see the Widow Douglas. 

Flora Jean didn't much like the idea.  For one thing, Sairee had pulled up lame earlier in the week, so her husband would have to walk, and for another, she didn't like the look of that sky.

"You worry too much, Flora Jean,"  Smedley said as he put on a canvas slicker over his old black Parson's coat.  The walk'll do me good.  Lord knows I need it after that meal."

Flora Jean was about to say something about the second piece of pie, but Smedley already had the door open.  "I'll see you at the church," then added with a chuckle, "Tell Ole Dead Eye, I'll help 'im skin that buck after the service."

Smedley knew there was more to it than just a sick mule and a threatening sky.  He'd been through it before and wasn't really ready for a round on Christmas Eve.  The Widow Douglas was--well, Smedley put it this way:  "Right many big muckety muck preachers 'n' such is goin' to be might surprised when the crowns is passed out.  They'll be way back yonder 'n' some angel will come 'n' fetch a few of 'em to help that sweet ole lady carry the load a crowns she'll be gettin'"  Flora Jean loved the old saint as much as her husband, but on Christmas Eve? 

"I can't see why that no-account son a her's can't leave that jug alone one night out of the year."  If she had time to talk it out she would have told Smedley to go on with her blessing, but right now she just wanted her husband near.

By the time Smedley arrived at the Douglas house he was more than glad for the fire that Rachel, the widow's kind neighbor, had built in the stove.  Mrs. Douglas knew from the blast of cold air that rushed in and snuck under her quilt that it was cold outside, so she said nothing while the Parson warmed himself by the fire.  She couldn't speak loud enough for him to hear and she knew he was too polite to ignore her, so rather than pull him away from the circle of warmth she just smiled and waited.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Douglas. Don't you look fine this evenin?"

"Oh, this old thing?" she replied, pulling at the collar of the lace gown Rachel had helped her into earlier.  "My Granny did the tatting, afore you wuz born."

"Well, it sure becomes you."

When Smedley pulled out his Testament so that he could read the Christmas story to the dear lady he thought he could see the very star of Bethlehem shine in her eyes.

The warmth of the fire and the glow in his soul warmed the parson as he stepped back out into the cold, but soon the cold had so penetrated that it was no longer something around him it was with him.  It couldn't be ignored.

In fact, his face was so cold that at first he didn't notice the sleet.  Now it was steady and the wind was up, and the moon that the Parson had counted on to light his way to the little White Meeting House was nowhere to be seen.  It was getting harder & harder to follow the trail.  If it hadn't been that the trail followed the bank of the creek with its quiet murmuring, the Parson would have been lost for sure. 

"To get to the meetin' house I got to turn up the hill from the creek after I pass the Machachen's pasture."  Smedley thought he could probably hear the sounds of the cattle and know when he was there.  "But whut am I gonna follow after that?  I might as well be in a sack for all I kin see."  And then there was that ache.  It told Smedley that he was cold--colder than he had been "since I kin remember."

Lonzo Cambell's house was just up a spring branch from the creek.  "I'll probly step in it, afore I know where it is." he thought, but when I get to it, I'll go up there 'n wait this thing out with Lonzo 'n his family. 

"Lord, help Flora Jean to not be worried."  The Parson prayed out loud.   "Remind her that I been out in worse'n 'is--not much worse though, Lord.  Lord help that boy-a mine to be OK.  He's a good'n, Lord, 'n I thank Thee fer 'im."

Sure enough the first notice Smedley had that he had reached the little stream was the sound of his feet splashing water.  It alarmed him that he didn't feel the water that he knew had come in through his old boots.  He realized that meant his feet were very cold.  A worry as persistent as the ache in his neck began to creep into his soul.  This was no longer just a matter of comfort.  Smedley had lived in these rugged mountains long enough to know that he was in real danger.

"Lord, I'm ready to go, but I cain't say that I'm really interested in goin' out in a chunka ice.  It's up to thee, Lord, but I jest want Ya to know that if I have my druthers, I'd like to spend Christmas day with my family.  Lord, you know I meant well, but I should a listened to Flora Jean.  Lord how many times have I had to pray that?"  Thank you, Lord for that woman.  And, Lord, if it please Thee, help me to get out-a this, so I kin see her again.  I reckon she's worried sick right now, Lord.  Help her know your blessed presence.  Amen."

By this time Smedley knew, or thought he knew that he should have seen some light from the Campbell house.  "Surely it cain't be snowin' sa hard that I cain't see the light in their winder."  Smedley reached down to gauge the depth of the snow with his hand.  Not only did his hand come up full of icy, wet snow, but his mind began to fill up with an apprehension that he couldn't talk himself out of.

"All right now," Smedley said aloud, "its dark.  I'm gittin' really cold, and I need to git in somewhere right quick.  If'n I'm gonna freeze I ain't gonna do it standin' here, I'm gonna try to git somewheres.  I reckon it must be snowin' hard enough that I cain't see the light in Lonzo's house, but I know it's just up the branch from the creek, so I'm a gonna keep on goin' thata way."

"Winds dyin' down?"  Smedley thought.  But when he stopped to listen he could still hear the wind moaning in the trees, but it sounded far away.

"Lonzo's house is in a cove where two ridges meet.  It could be that I'm right at it 'n' that's why the wind ain't blowin'.  The rise is blockin' it from where I'm at."

Smedley slowly turned all the way around to see if he could see anything.  Anything that would help him find the shelter he so desperately needed.  He looked hard as if by effort he could cast a light.  Everywhere he looked was blackness, blackness and silence.

"What was that?"  The parson moved in the direction from which he thought he heard the sound.  A few steps, stop and listen, a few more.  His actions reminded him of Jim Bob.  "I wonder if he got that ol' buck?" 

There it was again.  Smedley stood until he imagined the snow would pile around his feet preventing him from ever moving again.  His ear searched the night for the sound.  Yes, without a doubt.  It was the snort of an animal, the kind one makes to blow the dust out of its fodder.  Could it be?  Smedley moved now with purpose and speed.  In fact, his speed was such that he ran smack into the fence around Lonzo's stock lot. 

"Best bruised shin I ever got!"  thought Smedley as he followed the fence to the barn.  When the rail met the building Smedley climbed over and felt along the wall until he came to the door. 

It was even darker inside, or it seemed so.  Maybe it was just because Smedley knew that the shelter would block whatever light there was outside, so he imagined it was darker.  Most important it was warmer, or maybe less cold would be a better description.  Smedley stopped again and listened. 

"Must be several head a cattle in here.  I wonder if ole Babe is here?"  Babe was an enormous and equally ancient Ox.  Lonzo should have killed him for the stew pot years ago.  Now he was so old and tough he wouldn't even do for that, but still, Lonzo let him take up space in the barn and eat corn and hay that could have gone to productive beasts.  Babe and Thunder had pulled the logs that became the Cambell house.  They had pulled the first plow that broke this ground.  They had hauled the corn to the crib after the first harvest.  Lonzo said, "I figger I owe my life to those beasts many times over.  It jest wouldn't do to eat one of 'em."  So he cared for them like old family members.  Thunder was buried out behind the barn where Babe would soon join him.

Smedley was vaguely aware of all that, but right now Babe represented something far more important.  The old Ox represented heat, heat in a body so old and slow that Smedley wouldn't have to worry about getting gored or kicked in the dark. 

"That sounds like 'im."  Smedley thought.  He reached between the rails into the stall and sure enough his hand landed on the huge head.  "Steady ol' boy.  I ain't gonna make you do anythin'.  I jest wanna sit with ya fer a spell."  Babe snorted as if in reply. 

With the old horse blanket and tow sack that he'd found as he felt his way around Smedley entered the stall.  Wrapping himself as best he could he got as close to the ancient beast as he could.

"I reckon I'll jest hav'ta wait this out." 

"Meow." 

Feeling a cat rub against his leg would normally have caused Smedley to shoo it away, but tonight with a heart full of gratitude Smedley reached and picked up the bundle of warm fur. 

"Well Mrs. Cat, if you knew what I normally think of your kind, you'd have nothing to do with me, but I must confess I sure am glad to see ya tonight."

Maybe the cat was cold, too, but for whatever reason she offered no resistance when Smedley lowered her down into his coat.

"Lord, I believe I'm gonna make it now.  Thank you fer' lettin' me find this barn, 'n' thank ya fer keepin ole Babe alive long enough to provide me with some heat, 'n', Lord, I didn't think I'd ever say it, but I thank thee fer this cat."  Lord, don't let my loved ones be too worried.  Warm their hearts jest like your warmin' me. . .  "

He didn't finish.  Soon, the preacher’s snores were mingled with the cat's purr and the ox's wheezing old breath.  While outside the storm blew out its fury, in a pocket of pungent warmth the Parson slept.

He had no way of knowing how long he had slept.  He awoke, stiff from the awkward position, with the knowledge that something was different.  The wind--it had died to perfect peace.  And through a crack in the wall he could see a star--brilliant, piercing, wonderful.  Life is never so precious as when we come near to losing it.  Smedley was still a little cold.  What warmth he had came from himself and an ox and a cat.  He smelled of manure and horse and ox, and "Only the good Lord knows what." but he was glad--very glad--to be alive.

Then it dawned on him:  It was Christmas Eve.

"Away in a manger no crib for a bed.

The little Lord Jesus lay down His sweet head.

The stars in the sky looked down where he lay.

The little Lord Jesus asleep in the hay."

All at once all the cracks on that side of the barn were filled with light. 

"Cain't be angels?  Can it?"  thought the parson, as he threw off his wrap and scurried out between the rails.  He threw open the door to be greeted by the chorus,

"Merry Christmas, preacher."

The yard was full of horses and dogs and men--angels all.  Before he knew it they had him on the back of a horse.  They made the short ride over a rise to the Cambell house.  Warm fire, hot soup, dry clothes, what luxury the preacher thought.

"Yer, welcome to stay preacher, but I reckon you'll be wantin' to git home to yourn afore Christmas mornin’."  Lonzo said, and nothing would do him but to hook up the team and take the preacher home.

_____

Smedley and Flora Jean just sat by the fire the rest of the night.  Smedley told about his adventure.  Flora Jean just listened, her eyes reflecting the gratitude to God that her husband had been spared.

It was a joyful Christmas morning at the Smedley household--a hearty breakfast, simple gifts given out of love shared with one another, the story of Christmas read from the Bible.  The morning became a wonderful day.  Neighbors and church members stopped by to share their greeting.  All were amazed at the parson's tale and grateful for his deliverance.

All day long Smedley had gladly kept the fire going.  Now in the evening, he sat and watched the flames dance, and thought.  "Flora Jean wus right.  It was foolish to go all the way out to the Widder Douglas' house when the weather was threatenin' the way it wus.  A feller's got to use some sense." 

Smedley heard the knock on the door, but let one of the others get it.  In a moment, though, by the way Flora Jean placed her hand on his shoulder Smedley knew he better come.  It was Rachel, the woman who looked after Mrs. Douglas. 

Smedley knew before she spoke.  When Rachel came this morning to fix Mrs. Douglas breakfast she found her in her bed, still wearing the special gown, cold and still.

"I saw her last night, parson.  After that storm kicked up I went over to check on her.  She was fine.  I put some wood on the fire.  She told me she was glad you had come."

------

"Why don't you come on to bed?"  Flora Jean coaxed.

"I will just as soon as I put some more wood on this fire." 

As Smedley starred into the flames, he knew that he couldn't answer the question that had hung around him all day.  Should he have left home and gone out last night?  He didn't know.  The thought of the pain that he had almost cost his family pierced his heart like the ache last night had penetrated his back, yet to be the bringer of joy to a dear saint on Christmas Eve, her last night on earth, the thought of that warmed Smedley's heart as the fire warmed his skin.

"Lord, I reckon I ain't smart enough to figure this one out, but I know that you left all for me.  Help me Lord to realize that there ain't no way to serve you without me leavin' somethin', too. 

Amen 'n' good night.

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Tales From the Hogback #9, A Strange Perfume

A STRANGE PERFUME

It permeated their hearts as surely as it had permeated that little room--For her, the ever-present assurance of a love few will ever know; for him, the indescribable definition of what it means to be a man.

"Lord, it ain't right en' you know it!"

No sooner had the words rolled off Smedley's tongue than he began feverishly looking around from his perch on Sairee's back to see if anyone--that is any one other than the Lord--had heard. 

"Now Lord, You know I'm a contented man, a thankful man, a man that ain't et up with worldly ambitions.  I figured out long ago that I ain't 'bout to get rich preachin' up here on the Hog Back.  I'm content though; I'd jest as soon be buried out behind the little white meetin' house as in the fanciest churchyard in the country, but this is jest more'n I can bear!"

Sairee had a peculiar way of knowing when the preacher's mind was occupied with thoughts other than forward progress.  At those times, like right now, her gait would become a slow, smooth, leisurely walk.  It was as if the mule realized that if she didn't jostle the parson out of his reverie then she could go on at a comfortable pace all the while enjoying a mouthful or two of the delicacies that the roadside offered, but which normally she and Smedley rushed by in sanctified haste.

Smedley's dark meditation was soon ended, not by any lack of caution on Sairee's part, but by the sound of an approaching buggy.  It had been Smedley's notice of this buggy, when it was just a dust-plumed speck on the next ridge, that had cast him into the doldrums.

"Howdy Parson."

"Why, hello, Doc. Lazwell," Smedley intoned, with what he hoped was a sufficiently cheerful voice and smile.  "I hope it ain't bad news that brings you up to the Hog Back."

"Well, no Parson, as a matter of fact, it's just the opposite.  Young Missy Bedletter just gave birth to twin boys.  Missy and Clyde, not to mention the grandparents, are as proud as a mule that won the Kentucky Derby.  'Course you understand, now, Parson, that's just a way of speaking.  Personally, I don't go in for that horse racing."

Normally the mere mention of gambling of any kind would have caused a sermon to begin to rise up in Smedley.  Not infrequently it would spew forth.  Today, however, Smedley wondered if his agitation had shown on his face and been confused by Doc. Lazwell as confirmation that the Parson believed the stories about the Doctor's flatland excursions to play the ponies. 

Mustering what he hoped was a pleasant face, Smedley responded, "No offense taken Doc.  I reckon Missy 'n the two young fellars are all right then?"

"Just fine, why I wasn't any more needed than an alarm clock in a chicken house.  Clyde and Claude will be up to Sunday School before you know it.

"By the way, how's that boy o' yours doing with that broken leg?"

"Fine, Doc.  He's been usin' a walkin' stick jest like you said.  We'll bring 'im down ta see ya in a week."

"Give my best to the Mrs, and tell that boy to take care of that leg."  The doctor said as he clicked to the flawless chestnut mare who with eager, fluid strides soon caused the black and brass buggy to disappear in a cloud of dust.  When the rig next appeared it was part of a postcard scene--the dark buggy moving smartly through rolling green along the blue and white ribbon of river in the valley below.  By the time Smedley lifted his gaze from the Doctor's vanishing rig Sairee had eaten all the available tid-bits.  In fact it was her stretching for a particularly tempting shoot that finally brought Smedley around.  Sairee was glad for that last mouthful, for there was no leisure the rest of the way home.

___________

"I just can't get it to work out right."  said Smedley as he reached for another biscuit.  "Either I have just a little gravy left and I need another biscuit or I have just a bite or two of biscuit and I need some more gravy.  I'm gonna try one more time 'n then quit." 

Having finally achieved equilibrium, Smedley announced, "I saw Doc. Lazwell today."  Flora Jean's inquisitive blue eyes encouraged him to go on. 

"Missy Bedletter had twin boys today."

"My, she must have been surprised.  Of course those Bedletters always were quick multipliers." 

A half audible, "Uh huh," was Smedley's only reply. 

Flora Jean waited for more; in fact, she waited so long that the dish water, in which she washed and rewashed the last bowl, got cold.  "Did the doctor say anything else?"  She finally coaxed.

"Oh, just this 'n that--he did say to tell ya'll howdy." 

Flora Jean listened to her husband's voice trail off to a preoccupied murmur, then she watched him.  She watched him a long time.  The parson, locked in some struggle behind a blank out-of-focus stare, didn't notice. 

Flora Jean could enumerate many reasons that she loved this simple country preacher.  She loved him.  There was no doubt about that.  Tonight she loved him for that tenderness that was so rare in a man in that rugged country.  Boys in the hills were taught not to cry.  Like the blind fish that live in caves lose their sight, most men lost the unused ability to cry before they were fully grown.  Flora Jean, with mixed emotion, had watched her own sons stoically face pain of body and heart.  "It was a hard life.  One had to be strong, yet..."  She could only hope that the tenderness that she so loved in her husband would live on in her sons.  Most mountain men quit crying all together about the time they got their first shotgun.  A few, like Smedley, still cried, but only on the inside.  "How terrible," thought Flora Jean, her own eyes moistening, "to not stop feeling the pain and yet not have the soothing relief that tears bring."

No one else in the world would have known.  Flora Jean had no idea why, but she was sure.  Behind the blank stare her husband was crying.

"I'm goin' out to shut up the hen house.  That ole fox has been prowlin' lately 'n I don't want to loose one of my pullets to that rascal."  Smedley's nod was all the response she received.

Jim Bob's bad leg wouldn't let him get out of the way of his mother soon enough.  Jim Bob had been avoiding her every chance he could lately, and when he too had noticed his father's melancholy he made up his mind to stay out of her way tonight, but the game leg, and the fact that his crutch was not at hand, kept him from dodging soon enough.

"Jim Bob, do you know what's wrong with your Pa?"

Jim Bob used his broken leg as an excuse to stall.  The time between the question and his settling his six-foot frame onto a milk can left by the shed couldn't have been very long.  Yet in that moment Jim Bob saw his mother in a way he'd never quite seen her before.  For the first time he saw her not just as his mother, but as a woman.  "A right pretty woman too," he observed as he saw her face softly lit by the last says of the sun.  He knew why his father loved this woman.  He knew why it had been so important that their secret remain hidden from her. 

"Now don't lie," Smedley had said, "but try not to tell your ma about this."  Right now this boy-man felt the same drive to protect this beautiful, kind woman that he loved, but he knew he couldn't.

"Ma, sit down a minute."  Jim Bob said, sounding so adult-like that he surprised himself.  "Pa's been savin' money fer somethin' special fer three years now.  He wadn't sure what.  He jes kep sayin' you deserved somethin' 'real special,' 'n he was gonna get it fer ya.  Jesta couple months ago he made up his mind whut he was gonna gitcha.  The old man down to the general store has an old buggy that Pa figgered he'd buy 'n fix up.  He'd promised Pa he'd hold it fer'm.  Zeke Hawkins has about the prettiest filly you ever laid eyes on.  Well, Zeke told Pa that if'n he 'n I'd help 'm break them other two colts a his that he'd sell Pa that filly fer $25.  Ma you ain't never seen a horse look so sweet."

Flora Jean hadn't quite made the last turn in her son's report.  She didn't want to appear impatient, but she feared Smedley would show up at any time, so she gently chided, "Go on."

"Well, anyhow, like I say, Pa's been savin' money 'n now he knew whut fer.  With what he had plus what he could add to it fer helpin' Lonzo Cambell put a new roof on his barn he figgered he'd have jest enough to by that filly 'n the old buggy.  I told Pa I thought it was a capital plan."

"Pa was heartbroke , Ma.  I know he cared that my leg got busted, but when Zeke got scared, 'cuz I fell offa that colt 'n broke my leg, 'n said maybe we'd better not help him after all, 'n when Pa had to give $25 to Doc. Lazwell, to fix m' leg up, it was like somebody'd done knocked all the air outa the man."

"So that's what he meant when he said, 'The Lord had already provided.'"  Flora Jean mumbled, as Jim Bob nodded.

All that's left o' Pa's capital plan is this here barrel 'a harness.  Pa's been gatherin' up bits 'n pieces 'n patchin' it together late at night."

The smell of old leather and neatsfoot and mule filled the shed as Flora Jean lifted the lid on the barrel.  It was the smell that had lingered on her husband when he had come to bed after, "Doin' somethin' out at the barn."

She reached down and touched the well-oiled leather.  She savored the smell that now engulfed her and ever after lingered in her heart--a strange perfume.  Little comments made in passing now made perfect sense. 

Her tears flowed, darkening that old harness where they fell. 

Harness that didn't match, harness that had pulled wagons and plows and logs and other's dreams, harness once broken, lovingly repaired, and, now, all that was left of one man's broken dream.  Old leather long ago discarded by those who were blessed with wealth, but which had now become a greater treasure than they could ever know.  Harness patched and oiled late at night by the man she loved and who loved her.  Harness that she now realized was to allow that beautiful filly to pull the merchant's old buggy with them in it to Mt. Elmo on their anniversary, two months away.

When Flora Jean finally dried her tears on her apron both she and Jim Bob knew that the contents of the old keg were not all that was left of the parson's aborted plan.  That strange perfume filled their lives.  A poor preacher's wife had received a gift that Solomon could not have afforded, and a boy standing on the threshold of manhood had seen across more clearly than he ever had before.  Without a word Flora Jean stepped back and, Jim Bob put the lid back on that humble container, hiding from unappreciative eyes a priceless offering. 

They never saw that harness again, but to say they never forgot that strange perfume would be to say far too little.  It permeated their hearts as surely as it had permeated that little room--For her, the ever-present assurance of a love few will ever know; for him, the indescribable definition of what it means to be a man.

______________________

It was a rare occasion to see Dr. and Mrs. Lazwell at the services at the little meeting house up on Hogback Ridge.  The greetings, though, were warm and genuine.  The good doctor was just helping Mrs. Lazwell from the buggy when Flora Jean and the Smedley children came walking into the churchyard.

"How's that leg?"  The doctor inquired.

"Fine, Dr. Lazwell.  Say, idn't that a new buggy?  And that's sure not ole Hypocrites."

"No Hypocrites had made two or three house calls too many.  He'll live out his days in tall clover.  Bought this mare and new rig a couple of weeks ago...Why I believe it was the day after your untimely mishap.  I met your pa the other day I'm surprised he didn't tell you about it. 

You'd better get a move on.  It wouldn't do for the preacher's boy to be late."

That morning Smedley held forth about the thrice repeated question of our Lord to Peter:  "Do you love me more than these?"  The little congregation was gripped with the parson's fervor as he declared his love for the Lord and challenged all to follow.  No one was more impressed than the lady with the white starched bonnet and the youth with the too-small jacket in the second row.  They alone knew the fire and hammer blows that had shaped those words.

A couple of months later when Smedley boosted Flora Jean up onto Sairee's back and led her to the meadow by the creek for an anniversary picnic, she wouldn't have traded her seat for a place in a king's coach.

"Isn't that a lovely smell."  Flora Jean said dreamily, but then was immediately brought up short for fear that her secret might be revealed.

Smedley sniffed the air, but could smell nothing but Sairee's freshly oiled saddle and bridle mingled with odor of mule.  He looked quizzically at his wife, but she just smiled, and she looked so lovely to Smedley that soon the riddle didn't matter.

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