I have a friend who is so nice that probably he will die with apologies, knowing that his funeral will inconvenience someone. We have a common friend who can't stand it when friend #1 holds open a restaurant door for someone who isn't quite to the entrance yet. Friend #2 can see the wasted time slipping away and figures that if someone is able to go out to eat then he is able to open the door for him/herself.
Friend #2 orders his life by his pocket calendar while friend #1 is like a radio receiver tuned to the "needs" messages others broadcast. If one friend is late he is concerned about his schedule. When the other is late he is concerned that he is inconveniencing others. Me? I may not even be aware that I am late.
Both my friends sometimes wonder about me. One feels that my laid-back approach to life is inefficient--not the way to get the job done, while the other, I suspect (He is much too nice to say so.), thinks that I take the needs of others too lightly. The fact is they are both right. After years of work one friend has influenced me to the point that now I can at least find my pocket calendar, and the other has helped me to see that just caring is not enough; I must demonstrate that I care in a way that is meaningful to the person concerned.
As I observe my friends I see that they have had a good effect on one another and I can even detect how I have influenced them. They have changed me, however, more profoundly than they could possibly know. I guess you could call us the odd trio, though I would rather refer to our relationship as a Proverbs 27:17 friendship. We have been rubbing the rough edges off one another for years. I believe that all three of us are better for the experience. I know I am.
I suspect that deep in his heart my "by the numbers" friend wonders why people put up with our "terminally kind" friend's ways. I mean, if you hang out with the guy you are constantly being delayed so that he can help some little old lady across the street or get a cat out of a tree. I wouldn't be surprised if my "hold the door friend" asks himself why do others put up with our "dot the "I" and cross the "T" friend. I mean he may splash water on the little old lady, as he rushes by, and he probably figures that one cat up a tree is just one cat up a tree. I know that both of them wonder why anyone puts up with my "don't worry; be happy" ways.
The answer is no further than our own hearts. I love both my friends because they are incredible people. I have found that in addition to his "bottom line" ways my calendarized friend cares deeply for the needs of others. In fact the purpose of all that goaling and planning and strategizing is so he can help meet those needs. I have seen in my "may I help you?" friend a deep commitment to goals and concerns that go far beyond the demand of the moment. In fact one reason he keeps his receiver tuned in is because meeting the needs of others is one of the chief goals of his life.
Still I sometimes find that my friends bug me; from time to time I have to cut them some slack. They love one another and me and I love them, but it is not because we see one another in a rose-colored hue. We see in each other not only good qualities, but irritating idiosyncrasies--characteristics that if found in another would drive us to keep our distance. Each of us realizes that the blessing to be gained by the maintenance of the relationship is well worth the price that must be paid to maintain it.
If I had followed the pattern that I observe in most people's relationships I would have ditched my friends long ago. I would have gone to watch the sunset while one was holding the elevator for an elderly gentleman and the other was rushing to his next appointment, and we would never have enjoyed the marvelous relationship that we have. Instead I grabbed one friend's calendar--he never leaves home without it--and I smiled and he tapped his foot with impatience while the old gent got to the elevator. Then I said, "Let's go watch the sunset." One friend went because he wanted to get his calendar back and the other went because he is too nice to say, "No."
In the warm glow of the shared experience I was so glad that I had put up with them, and they with me, and each of them with the other, and I think they were as well.
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