RUNNING ON PROM NIGHT
What I don't want is for him to look back and say, "Dad didn't do what he thought was right."
It is 8:30 on prom night and I'm not feeling so good. No, it's not that I'm having a bad date. I'm not having a date at all. I'm 43; I have never been to a prom and at this point I don't intend to go. My son, though, who is 17, tall, good-looking, very popular, an all-state runner, and excellent student, very much wanted to go, but he didn't go either. Right now as I begin to put my thoughts into the computer he is at his girl-friend's house, looking at her dress.
In a way that is appropriate for a 17-year-old he loves her and she him. She is a nice girl, cute in a pixie sort of way. Except for the difference in height--if Chris lays on his back, his toe comes up to Nancy's waist--everyone says that they make a perfect couple. But everyone knows that their difference in altitude is really not important.
If anyone other than my hard-drive ever reads this article, by the time they get to this point they will be crying out, "Why?" As I read these words on the screen I wonder if even some chip in this machine--built on logic as it is--is going to suddenly flash a message on the screen,
Does not compute. Please provide justification.
The feeling in the pit of my stomach asks the same question, "Why?"
It's not that I don't trust him. I do. A few weeks ago we showed the film, Sex Lies and the Truth, at our church. At the end of the showing I asked the kids to sign a pledge card promising to maintain a standard of sexual purity. He signed, and later told me that a week before, he and Nancy had been talking and had come to the point where they had made those promises to one another. When he told me that, there was this little guy in my head pumping his arm, saying, "Yes, yes, YES!"
As you can imagine my son and I have had several conversations about tonight. I wrote him a letter. He was around for some of the conversations that I had with his older brother (Who is at the prom. I'll explain in a minute.), when I tried my best to explain my reasoning. Neither of them were impressed.
"Why?" you say, "Why are you doing this to him?" I have asked myself the same question over and over. I have problems with the sexual overtones of the modern dance, but can't say that I am absolutely opposed to dancing. I know David and Meriam and others in the Bible danced. Though I am sure that what they did is far different than what my son's friends will be doing tonight. I pastor a church that has an official postion that says that those in positions of leadership are to abstain from dancing, and several other taboos. I have gone on record as saying that that clause should be removed from our constitution. I am quite sure that if my son went to the prom he would do more sitting than dancing.
Likewise, I have trouble with the music, mostly with the words to some of the songs. Though my conclusion is that music itself is a neutral vehicle, I realize that some of the songs use that vehicle to push buttons that I don't want pushed in my son or his girl. Still, I have realized long ago that I cannot isolate my sons from the "sounds of the world." He can, and probably does on occasion, “tune it in,” dance or no dance.
The local school has done a good job of promoting an alcohol free event, and even if it were served I don'think Chris would drink any.
I have surveyed my mind again and again. My background is one that matches the mentality of our church’s constitution--dancing is one of those things that Christians simply don't do. I think I have pretty well sorted out my past, keeping the good stuff and throwing away the junk. But, have I? Could I be making my son pay a price because I am holding on to some vestige of my tradition? I know that there are those who would look down on me if I were to let my son go to the prom. There are those who would try to feed me some of my words spoken at a time when talk was cheap. Again, I honestly don't think that is the reason. In fact I think those who look down on me because of my present position out number my hypothetical detractors should I let him go. It hurts me to think that Nancy, her parents, my older son, and who-knows-who-else think I am wierd. I find myself almost getting paranoid about it. "Are they talking about me?"
I still haven't answered the question, “Why?” I don't have any one single reason. I can't point to any absolute that I would violate if I let my son go or he would violate if he went. But when I put the whole thing together I just couldn't say, "Sure, go ahead and go." I wanted to. A part of me regrets that I did not.
Chris has returned from Nancy’s house; he’s out running. He needs to get his training in, but I am not so foolish as to think that the only reason he is running is for the benifit of his legs and lungs. Maybe I am wrong, but it was my call to make and I believe that I would be wrong to not call it the way I see it, even if I don't see it as clearly as I would like.
In less than a year when Chris turns eighteen, unless he does something really stupid in the mean time, I will turn over to him some of the decisions that I have been making for him. I did that with his brother. I have no doubt that when I tell Chris that the prom is his decision that he will do just as his older brother has done. He will go.
I don't expect him to always make the same decisions that I would make. I only expect him to carefully look at the situation, examine the scripture, pray and then do what he concludes is right, even if it is hard. If I had done anything else tonight I would have failed in setting that example for my son. I can stand for him to look back and say I think dad was wrong. I don't want to be wrong, but I know it is inevitable that on occasion I will be. What I don't want is for him to look back and say, "Dad didn't do what he thought was right."
No comments:
Post a Comment