Growing Pains #1,

ONE OUT OF FOUR

I was looking at the man who was about to conduct the most important interview of my son's life.  This time next year this boy should be in college.  He has the plan, the ambition, the talent, the grades, but the money--that's what the interview was about. 

I had been chatting with the man for several minutes.  My son was off in another room taking something called a "physical aptitude exam."  The gentleman with whom I was speaking spoke to a great many young men and women who had the same hopes as my son.  We exchanged pleasantries for several minutes when the man told me that only about one fourth of the young people who came for this interview were accompanied by a parent.

My son is seventeen years old.  This interview could lead to a decision that would affect the next 13 years of his life.  My son is seventeen years old.  I thought about letting him come to the interview by himself.  I don't want to smother him.  This is his life.  The man is considering offering him the scholarship, not me.  If it is offered it is his decision to accept or refuse the money and the obligations that go with it. 

My son is apt to say that he is almost eighteen.  Using an inflection that makes that sound as old as possible.  I'm more apt to say, "He's only seventeen."  The truth no doubt lies somewhere between his inflection and mine.

Three out of four parents, who have managed to raise a youngster who gets good grades, who can generate good recommendations, who has the initiative to consider a program like this, just let that youngster go off to face the process alone.  Maybe I don't really trust my son.  Perhaps I cling to that irrational parental hope that just my being there will somehow change the facts.  Maybe I am clinging.  Maybe, but I don't think so. 

Just because our almost grown children can dress themselves and drive cars and make change and do all sorts of adult things doesn't mean that they are grown.  My son is at the age when I expect him to make most of his decisions himself.  He does a pretty good job, but I don't think he is ready to make all of them yet.  Probably most kids who read this will disagree.  They will speak of being old enough to fight in the military, vote, etc.  Some parents weary with the process will object:  "I got them this far," they say, "They’re on their own now."

My son is almost on his own.  For almost eighteen years I have sought to be a prime influence in his life.  I realize that my impression on him has largely been already made, but I'm not finished--not quite.  

My son is involved in making some decisions right now that will set the course of his adult life.  I want to help him to not blow it.  I am pleased with the person he wants to be.  But, his experience at how to become that person is pretty slim.  I am glad that what I have taught him is reflected in his plans for life; now I want to be there to help him bring those plans to pass.

I realize that I'm not being fair to those three out of four parents.  There are, I am sure, many reasons why they didn't accompany their teen to that important interview.  I don't write this to judge them.  I write to examine my own motives.  For a moment I wondered if I should have been there.  From somewhere came a voice that said, "You've worked all his life to teach him to fly now let him go."  Yes I am confident he can fly, but it is foggy out there.  I've seen the wreckage of too many who have crashed and burned because of poor decisions at the point of take-off. 

Through my son's life his mother and I have tried to point him in the right direction.  We have introduced him to the Lord and taught him to obey God's word.  We have sought to give him a system of values.  We have seen to it that he has gained the skills necessary to succeed.  We want to make sure that all his potential is not wasted.

That is why I was the one out of four.